FatManSeoul

There’s nothing that makes Fatman angrier than being promised a “Death Burger” that will light our mouth on fire as if we’d just french kissed Satan and finding out that at best all we’re going to get is a “Mild Indegestion Burger” that’s more like a peck from a petulant djinn. Andrew Salmon and Zen Kimchi promised us PAIN!

from demotivateus.com

I am not one to sound the alarm unless disorider, destruction and death is imminent – but in this case I fear it is. As you will know, I am one damned tough cookie, but just one hour ago I was reduced to snivelling, mewling and weeping like a pouffe.

“What!” you cry. “What could possibly have been behind this demolition of your manhood?”

The culprit was a new product available at (ahem) Burger King: The “Angry Whopper.” This was advertized as spicey, but seriously – how spicey could an American fast food product be?

The answer is in: Murderously. A few seconds after biting into this innocuous looking snack, a hellish, sulphurous smoke began to curl up to the roof of my mouth. Then it detonated deep in my gut: Napalm.

No joke – this is THE hottest damned thing I have eaten in Korea. Ever.

Of course we had to try this delicious damnation for ourselves, and so off we jaunted to the nearest BK. We read up on the burger at Serious Eats, but found to our great dismay that a different form of the burger is available in East Asia than the rest of the world. In case you’re curious, this is what they get:

we stole this from Serious Eats

That would be a whopper topped with spicy crispy onions, jalapeños, pepper jack cheese, bacon, tomatoes, lettuce, mayonnaise, and spicy Angry Sauce. Mmmm. However, what you get in Korea is this:

from My Daily

That would be a whopper with angry sauce and angry mushrooms and some presumably pissed off peppers. Somewhere there’s a greenhouse filled with sadistic farmers torturing little mushrooms and pickeld peppers into become rage machines, we suppose.

The problem is that this burger just ain’t that spicy. Don’t get Fatman wrong ~ it’s got a definite kick from the sauce, and there’s a few devious little peppers packed away. But overall? Meh. There’s kimchi jjigae spicier than this burger. We wanted to be inspired to a murderous rage, tears of anger and tastebud betrayal rolling down our chubby cheeks as we gasped for air and desperately chugged down soda to quench the fire. We wanted a burger that would make 불닭 (bul dalk – fire chicken) fade away. What we got was a sort of mild burning sensation. Our nose didn’t even run. It was sad. Mayo and tomato and condiments helped tamp down the burn, but even without them it really was just kindof spicy, instead of deathly.

The burger itself starts with the basics: Sesame bun, wilting lettuce, ketchup, tomato, and patty, with an additional bit of jalapeños, some small, limp mushrooms, and a splash of spicy sauce. But the new ingredients don’t pack enough heat to make it really daunting eating ~ unless you’re regularly burned by typical Korean food, you won’t have any problem biting into this puppy. Chiliheads beware: This burger will only make you angry with its lack of punch. It’s not mild, by any means, but nor is it a kiss of fire that can never be put out.