Well, not all kimchi.  Just one of the hundreds of distinguishable varieties out there.  But hey!  It’s the important one!  The most basic of all baechu kimchi is going the way of the dodo.

Well, sort of.  Last year there was a glut, so farmers cut back on how much they planted.  Then, we got hit with one lousy weather system after another, and voila!  There’s not enough napa cabbage to go ’round, a single head can now cost more than 10,000 won.  Did you hear that?  WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

They’ll be no gimjang this year, kiddies. It’s canceled! St. Saeur Kraut won’t be visiting and leaving magical gifts of spicy cabbage in your gomushin, and there won’t be a single leaf left to decorate your gimjang tree.  Worse yet, restaurants may start charging for kimchi!

But as in all times of trouble and scarcity, Koreans can look to President Lee Myeong-bak to lead the way.  Has there ever been a leader so truly in touch with his people?  In sympathy for their plight, he’s switching to kimchi made with western-style round cabbage until the crisis abates.  What a guy!

What is being done to protect us all from the terror?  Well, we’re going to start importing Chinese cabbage from . . . uh, China (fancy that!), even though it may not match our unique body chemistry (or contain dangerous parasites.  Same-same)

Those of you with a survivalist frame of mind, who have already stockpiled canned food and water in preparation for nuclear winter can try your own radical approach and grow your own on the roof of your bomb shelter.

In order to help you through the coming dark days and ease your hunger, we’d like to point you to a few recipes for 깍두기 (cubed radish) from Aeri’s Kitchen and Wandering Chopsticks, and Maangchi’s 열무 물김치.  Also, for quite posibbly the most comprehensive rundown of kimchi commotion ever, check out the Marmot’s entry.  Good luck!

Many people are familiar with the Levantine favorite, tabbouleh. This mezza is traditionally made with some combination of parsley, mint, spring onion, tomato, and bulgar and dressed with olive oil and lemon juice for a refreshing salad. You can make an equally refreshing but heartier salad from local, indigenous ingredients here in Korea with just a little bit of flexibility and ingredient innovation.

Fatman suggests you pull together the following:

• two cups of barley (보리)
• a few green onions (파)
• a clove of garlic (마늘)
• the smallest bag or box of cherry tomatoes you can get away with at your local mart or market (방울 토마토) . . . unless you really like tomatoes.  If that’s the case, then get more!
• a great honkin’ fistful of perilla/sesame leaves (깻잎) ~ if you’re really lucky, your local market will have the fresh, tiny first leaves.
• olive oil
• a lemon or two
• salt, pepper, and a little bit of hot pepper powder (고추가루)

First, treat that barley like you would rice, and throw it in the rice cooker to steam.  Timing is totally non-essential here, and you can do it the night before if you’re a go-getter who likes to have it all planned.  Do give the barley a little bit of time to cool down . . . you want it warm, but not hot.

Meanwhile, start quartering those cherry tomatoes and chiffonading the perilla leaves.  Then, put them all together in a pile and give ‘em a few extra whacks with your knife,  just to be sadistic.   Toss ‘em in a big bowl.

Now,  chop your green onion as finely as you can manage.  Then, give your garlic a good slap with the side of your knife and start chopping up the poor, pathetic garlic corpse as finely as you can.  Toss them both in with the tomatoes and the leaves.

When your barley is down/up to a sort of warmish temperature, toss it in with everything else.  Now, give it a toss.  Ok, now give it another one.  Good.

Take your olive oil and douse everything.  Treat it with complete abandon and splash it around like it costs you nothing, instead of the ridiculous price you paid at Shinsaegae Department Store because you’re an olive oil snob.  Give it a toss.  Take out your financial frustrations by slicing a lemon (or two) in half and squeezing the life out of it over your salad.  Toss.  Finally, salt, pepper, and gochukaru to taste.

Voila!  It’s . . . Korbouleh!

맛있게 드세요!

You’ll need:

a cup or two of cooked rice (as old as possible. If your rice is fresh, stick it in the fridge, uncovered, for a bit to try and replicate that “oh, look, leftover chinese food!” feeling)

a half packet of ramen soup mix

the veggie packet from the ramen mix (if in a seperate package from the soup mix)

a splash of oil

and if you’re so inclined:
wegetables, cheese, sesame oil, eggs, etc . . . all the accoutrements are as welcome here as in any fried rice recipe.

Heat the oil (carefully!) in a frying pan. Add a dash of the seasoning packet to the oil, then dump in the rice. Howl in pain when you’ve splattered the hot, spicy oil all over yourself. Run to the bathroom and run cold water over your burns. Run back to the kitchen when you realize the oil is smoking and your rice is seconds from incineration. Stir, stir, stir like mad until the oil has coated the rice. Sprinkle a little more seasoning into the rice, and keep mixing. This keeps the rice from burning and spreads out the seasoning. Keep tasting to make sure you don’t over-season. Then, just when you think you’ve got it perfect, decide to add just a touch more, sneeze, and spill the entire remaining contents of the spice package into the pan. If the veggies come seperate, put them in a cup and add a little hot water. After about a minute, drain excess water and add them to the pan. Toss the rice around in the pan, trying to be dramatic and cool like the chefs on TV, then spill it all on the burner. Frantically scrape the spilled stuff onto a plate, turn off the gas (you did turn off the gas, didn’t you? OH NO!), and enjoy having combined two of the least healthy Korean foods in existance.

Voila ~ incredibly unhealthy, over-seasoned fried rice. It’s an MSG fiesta for your plate! 맛있게 드세요!

Jjimdalk ala Fatman

You’ll need one nekkid chicken hacked up into pieces(닭고기), a head of two of garlic(마늘), an onion or two(양파), a carrot or two(단근), a potato or three( 감자), two large green onions (대파), a half a head of cabbage (배추), three or four hot chilies (고추), a cup full of soy sauce (간장), a generous drizzle of rice syrup (물엿), a little knob of ginger (생강), a pinch of salt and a pinch of pepper, and a good fistful of glass noodles (탕면). If you’re the alcoholic kind of person, you might also want a bit of sweetish rice wine on hand, and both boozers and dry folks are going to need some water.

Some people put things in there like pepper powder or more flavorful vegetables or other fancy stuff. They are heretics, don’t listen to them.

First, take those chicken parts and boil ‘em up. You don’t want to die of something nasty and bacterial, do you? Throw them in a pot, cover them with water, and boil, boil, boil! Ok, more like simmer, simmer, simmer, but you get the idea. Cook it.

While that’s going on, slice up your carrots, cabbage, onion, green onion, and any other vegetal stuff we’ve forgotten and set it aside. If you haven’t already, this is also a good opportunity to reduce that garlic and ginger to teeny tiny bits. You should also chop your chilis at this point, and set those bad boys aside. Chuck all those veggies except for the chili, the ginger, and the garlic in the pot with the chicken.

Mix the chili slices, ginger, and garlic with the syrup, soy sauce, and any seasonings Fatman hasn’t mentioned yet. Chuck everything except the noodles in the pot and let the sauce start to reduce. Stick the noodles in some hot water and let ‘em mellow. When you see smoke rising from your stove and the noodles have turned to mush, you’ll know you’ve overdone them (somewhere in the neighborhood of five to ten minutes, probably). Mix the noodles in with the whole lot, let it sit for a minute soaking up the juices, and serve.

If the chicken isn’t bloody inside, the noodles aren’t cruncy, and the vegetables haven’t disentigrated into an unidentifiable mass, then congratulations! You have jjimdalk!

If they have, just pretend like you meant for it to taste that way and act offended that your guests’ palates aren’t refined enough.

Check out the latest news on where to get your Guinness (or Murphey’s or Beamish, if that’s your fancy) from Seoul Eats

Meanwhile, let us not neglect the recent efforts of Zen Kimchi in his (successful!) quest for the perfect corned beef in a land where beef usually remains sadly uncorned.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

image from Gourmet Magazine

Korea: Ancient Food, Modern World

Check out the preview now at their website (tip of the fat hat to Seoul Eats’ Dan Gray, who also appears in the episode), and while you’re at it check out their recipe for bindaeddeok (you cannot hold Fatman responsible for their lousy romanization!), another for boseot jeongeol, a dubu chorim, Korean-style cucumber and apple pickles,   haemul pajeon, quick and easy kimchi, , and a fresh romaine salad with Korean inspiration, and more from the March issue.  All in all a good month for hanshik!

samgyetang image from wikipedia

오늘은 삼계탕. . . 슬슬 체력도 떨어지니 회복하기 위해서. . .
Today’s menu is Samgyetang. . . Summer’s approaching (Fatman says, “someday”and in the meantime it is a great way to stay warm in the winter) and this is a good way to energize yourself.

준비물: 씨암탁이 최고.. 하지만 작은 닭도 오케.. 넘 큰 닭은 별루 맛이 없으니.. 작은 닭이 괜찮음.. 손질하기도 쉬움. 통닭 으로 준비. 찹쌀, 깐 마늘, 대추, 인삼, 다진 당근, 다진 표고버섯, 소금, 후추.
Ingredients: game hen or medium-sized chicken (probably the turkey-sized chickens wouldn’t taste so good. ..  besides the small ones are easy to handle), chapssal (sweet or gluetenous rice), peeled garlic, dried jujube, dried ginseng, chopped carrots, chopped shitake mushrooms, salt and pepper

시간: 2시간정도~~ 조금 더 길어질수도..
Time: About 2hours. . .  maybe little longer. . .

1. 큰 솥에 물을 가득 채워서 닭이 잠기게 한다.. 한 25분 정도 피를 뺀다.
1. Take out a large pot and pour cold water in until the chicken is submerged. . . let it bleed for 25 minutes.
2. 그 동안에 밥도 얹여놓구 마늘도 까고 (안 깠다면) 찹쌀이랑, 대추랑, 삼이랑 물에 불려놓는다 시간은 비슷하게..
2. meantime, wash and cook rice, peel garlic (if you haven’t done it already), soak the chapssal, jujube, ginseng in water for 20 minutes or more.
3. 닭 속안을 깨끗히 씻구 대추, 인삼, 당근, 버섯, 찹쌀을 넣는다 글구 다리를 실로 묶어 버린다.
3. Take the chicken from the pot after pouring out the water completely and scrub its inside and out under running water. Stick the ingredients (jujube, ginseng, carrot, shitake, and chapssal) inside the chicken and close the hole by crossing the legs and tying them together threads. . .
4. 다시 닭을 솥에 넣고 물을 왕창 부운 다음 강불에 끓인다
4. Put the chicken in the pot and pour water on it until submerged and turn the heat to high
5. 깐 마늘도 물에 띄우고 남는 대추도 넣는다.
5. Pour rest of garlic and jujube in.
6. 오래동안 (1시간반) 끓이고 물이 반쯤 줄었으면, 다시 물을 줄은 반의 반을 붓고 끓인다.
6. Wait until the water is reduced to half and pour 1/4 more of what is left and keep the heat on high.
7. 중불로 끓이면서 기름을 제거한다.. 최대한 궁물은 안버리게 기술적으로. . .
7. Reduce heat to medium and remove fat and oil without wasting the broth ~ skillfully. . . .
8. 2시간 경과하면 약불로 줄여서 잠시 기다린다.. 불을 끄고 닭을 찔러 본다. . .  얼마나 속이 익었나. . .  피 없으면 끝. . . 그 안에 있는 내용물들은 다 익었고 많이 넣었다면 속에서 터져 나왔을 것이다.. 그러니 첨에 적당히 넣는게 기술..
8. When time is up, simmer it for a while more and check to see the chicken is well cooked by sticking a chopstick in the joints to check for blood (if there is, the chicken isn’t done yet).  The ingredients inside should be cooked as well.  If you put too much of them, it may escape (it’s ok,  though you should be more careful how much you put them in next time!)
9. 냠냠 고기살은 맛있게 담아서 먹구 소금후추간에 맞춰서
9. Yummy! Chow Time~~ tear the well-cooked chicken meat separately and serve on a dish and season it with salt and pepper to your and guests’ preferences. . .
10. 그 담에 죽을 끓이구 살코기랑 같이 넣어서 또 먹는다
10. After that, you can make a porridge dish with the same broth mixed with chapssal and regular rice and leftover meat for the second round.

주의점: 닭을 잘 씻는게 중요함.. 글구 피는 어느 정도 빼면 됨.. 통마늘이 젤 좋음.. 마른 표고버섯, 대추, 인삼은 건조하고 통풍 잘되는 어두운 곳에 보관하는 것이 좋다.
Caution: Cleaning the chicken is very important.  The blood should be pretty well drained.  You can use the temperature gauge while chicken is being cooked.  The dried shitake, jujube, and ginseng must be kept in a dry and well-ventilated place away from direct sunlight.

1 loaf crusty bread, cubed and left overnight to become stale
1 small head of bok choy (Brassica rapa chinensis – chinese chard, chinese mustard, celery mustard, spoon cabbage), chopped
1/3 cup chopped walnuts or pecans (about 75-100 grams)
1/4 cup melted butter (60ml)
salt, pepper, and sweet paprika to taste

Combine stale bread, bok choy, and nuts in a large bowl and toss together.  Drizzle butter over the mixture and give it another toss, season to taste, and toss again.  Stuff into the main cavity of a whole turkey, chicken, or duck and roast as directed.  If there is extra stuffing, place giblets and other organs (or wings/drumsticks or 1/2 cup chicken stock) in a cheesecloth bag on top of the stuffing in a oven-proof dish covered for 20 minutes at 325 degrees Fahrenheit (165 C), then remove foil and roast another 5-10 minutes until golden brown.

김치는 과연 진정한 채식주의 음식인가?  Vegan (우유, 달걀 등 동물성 식품을 일채 먹지 않다) 들 위한 음식인가?  그리고 유대교 법에 맞게 준비된 정결한 음식인가?  한국에서 보편적으로 먹는 김치로 따지자면 결고 않이다.  왜 일까?

Fish sauce.  그 답은 바로 액젓.

What is this stuff, and why use it? In short, aekjeot is made from salted fermented fish: anchovies, squid, shrimp,  and other squirmy sea critters.   Not quite strict vegetarian, is it?  액젓은 생선, 멸치, 오징어, 새우 등의 해물을 소금과 발효 시킨 것이다.  따지고 보면 보통 김치는 채식주의 아니다.

The good news is that while most kimchi nowadays is made with aekjeot, it is neither universal nor necessary in kimchi making.  The use of fish and fish products for making kimchi developed in coastal areas (surprise surprise!) but landlocked areas like Chungcheondo haven’t traditionally.  You have a couple of options in swapping out the offensive fish sauce:

좋은 것은 액젓은 보통 김치에 사용되기는 하지만 꼭 사용하야한 것은 아니라는 것이다.  김치에 해물을 놓는 것은 해안지방에서 유래 되었다.  그러나 춘청도와 같은 내력지방에서는 전통식으로는 사용하지 않는다.  액젓 사용하지 않고 김치 만드는 법은 두 가지가 있다.

First, increase the amount of salt and add some purified water.  The water will help the ingredients mix, and the increased salt will help keep the kimchi safe in ferment.  If you want a little bit more of a rich mouth feel to your kimchi, use water from rinsing rice.

첫째, 소금의 양을 늘리고 정화 된 물을 넣는다.  물은 재로가 잘 섞이는 데에 도움이 되고 소금은 김치를 위생적으로 발효하는 시키는 데에 유용하다.   더 깊은 맛을 더 하려면 쌀뜬물을 사용하면 된다.

Second, use soy sauce.  Fatman recommends a lighter-flavored soy sauce, and to be easy-handed and sparing in its use because of the stronger flavor it can impart.  With that in mind . . .

둘째, 간장을 사용한다.  Fatman은 맛이 너무 강하지 않은 양조간장을 조금만 사용하는 것은 권장한다.  그런 의미에서 . . .

Go make yourself some scinitilatingly good (and animal free) kimchi!  정말 맛있는 채식주의 김치 한 번 직접 만들어 보시죠!

Translation/번역: Grace Park of Crazy Korean Cooking! (www.crazykoreancooking.com)  감사합니다!