Um . . . Lotteria? Where’s the rest of it? We don’t mean to be ungrateful, but these cheese balls are roughly the diameter of a 100 won coin. Ok, they’re slightly tastier than loose change, but considering this little set costs 2000 won, you think they’d at least be closer in size to the 500 won coin that each tiny little ball of fried industrial-grade mozzarella and batter cost? It’s like Lotteria mozzarella sticks, only with less actual cheese. They don’t even fill up the pathetic little paper tray.

Since they’re so small and pitiful, they don’t stay hot and gooey very long. They’re only about a bite-worth each, so if you misjudge the timing you’re likely to get a mouthful of very painfully hot cheese or rubbery, cold, awful cheese. Take your pick – or better yet, if you absolutely must go with some kind of fast food cheese offering, stick to the sticks.

*we’ve also lamented the lack of alliteration . . .

Here at FatManSeoul we want to bring you the good, the bad, and the just plain weird of the food world. One way of doing this is by eating and drinking things that you may be curious about, but sensibly aren’t willing to try without giving it to a guinea pig first. Consider us here your personal lab animals, out to try the best, worst, and strangest of the foods out there.

In this edition, we put our tongue on the line to try the newest in Korean milk innovations:

파스퇴르 맛있는 치즈우유

Yes, that’s right: Cheese and milk, together again in one creamy drink.

Cheddar AND cream cheese have been re-united with their mother product, milk, for a creamy, cheesy drink. We’re not sure if that’s a good idea or a bad one, but the execution here is indisputably bad. Mind you, not horrifically bad. Just pretty bad. Bad enough that we predict it will vanish from the few minimart shelves it’s appeared on within a few weeks.

That little cartoon cheese on the front lied! It assured us it was very delicious!

Instead, it’s just an insipid combination of milk and flavoring so neutral as to be pointless. It could just have well have been banana milk. In fact, that’s what it bore closest resemblance to: Slimy, tasteless banana milk with that odd mouth-coating essence that marks it as undoubtedly artificial. If you like banana milk, well . . . it might taste ok, but wouldn’t you rather just have banana milk? If you don’t like banana milk, you have no reason to drink this.

Purchased at Buy the Way for 1200 won, and boy, don’t we regret it!